when there are no words

sometimes, you genuinely have no words to explain the depth of pain that you endure. Honestly, this past year has been the worst year of my life. I expierenced a level of grief and pain that I didnt even know was possible for another person to expierence. What happens when your dreams fall apart, and your left to pick up all the peices on your own. How do you respond when the people you love the most in your life cause you the deepest amount of pain? Is God here? Does he even care? Does he see? Last year, I was engaged to someone for the third time, two months out from the wedding we broke up for the third time. It was the longest standing relationship I have had I guess. Why did we break up? Good question. Still processing that one myself. As far as I understand, we were stressed out and had a lot of pressure we were putting on each other, and stress in our relationships with friends and family and just conflict all around. So what did we do? Called off our wedding for the third time. How did that affect my life? Honestly, what do you do when your whole world that you built comes crashing down in a matter of days. How do you move on? How do you come back from that? Its been over a year and I still am struggling to figure that out. All I want is for all the broken pieces to come back together, and fall back into place like they were supposed to. Doesnt God want that? And yet, as much as he could- sometimes there are just no words. If not, is he still good? Will I still praise him even if he doesnt restore all that was lost? Is he enough for me, even if those things never come?

Yes, he is good. He is enough. He is more than enough. Marriage is beautiful, Family is wonderful, missions is amazing, careers, houses, all wonderful things-but if the lord doesnt build the house, the labors labor in vain. Its worth nothing. All of this is worth nothing if he is not at the center. When people look at us, they should see him. He is all we live for, and he is all life is worth living for. I will put everything in his hands and at his feet. There is nothing worth doing if it is not for him. I have no words, other than this is my hearts anthem- may this song be the prayer of your heart as well as you seek the lords will over your life as well. <3 My sweet friend sung this with her husband years ago, and it has always stuck with me. It is sung in french but the meaning of it is

we give you the highest praise

you deserve it all

everything i am

I keep nothing for myself

for my yes

my life is yours

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDq8qKzFIaw&list=RDWDq8qKzFIaw&start_radio=1

sweet sorrow

to live amoungst death, is to feel. To be present to your surroundings, to acknowldge the pain that we expierence is to be human. Let yourself know suffering is temporary. It brings us closer to our saviour. A sweet sorrow he endured on the cross for you and me. A love like no other was shown to us, the sinners, the ones undeserving. May his love be the banner over our lives. Living in the light of his love, despite our circumstances, good or bad, his love is enough and his grace is sufficient. His power is made perfect in our weakness. His glory is our good. If there is one thing I am certian of, its that we need him and we are fools to think we dont. He is perfect, and we are not. I pray in our weakness and brokeness we cling to him, the living water. The true source of our contentment and satisfaction. The only well that never runs dry. I pray that the love of Jesus would be evident on our homes, churches, workplaces that we would shine and spread his light wherever we go because truly he deserves all the glory. What greater love is there than the creator of the universe sacrificing his life, when we deserved death ourselves-to restore relationship with us. There is no greater love than this, to lay ones life down for their friends. Oh father, may our lives be reflections of your love, so that all would come to know true love through your life, and your sacrifice. In our sorrow and suffering may you comfort us, and bring us back home to an everlasting love through connection to your heart Jesus- in this we are whole, we are healed, redemmed and set free. Thank you for the joy of doing life with you, it is in you and through you we find our hope, our comfort, peace and purpose. Your pain had a purpose, and you are near to the brokenhearted. In our sufferings, may we draw close to your sacrifice, and near to your heart. Help us to forgive those who do not know what they do, and pray for those that persecute us. You alone lord will bring justice, you will restore, you will redeem. Lord, for that which we can not control. for that which we can not change, may you provide the healing, safety and beauty we seek. Lord, may you get glory in our brokeness as we surrender. Lord, may you rewrite the story we long to have, its our testimonies that give you glory. You gave us life and breath, and its to you we give glory, praise and honor. Let my story lord, bring you all the glory lord. Why should I take credit for that which I did not create? If God could use me, trust me friend, he will use you if only you let him.

romans 5:3-4

we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Community over Comparison

Welcome to the blog !

Here I will share what the Lord has been teaching me and lessons I am learning in life. Since starting Selah, it has been a journey!

The Lord has been refining me deeply in this season and showing me more of his heart for us <3

One of the biggest lessons I have been learning is the importance of community, and how to maintain it in a healthy way. This is not easy, being we are sinful people, that can focus quickly on ourselves, and get swayed by the opinions of others- forgetting to live out of the truth of who God says we are. It is much easier to just accept and believe the lies others or the enemy will place in our heads about our identity letting negative thoughts take root, and can cause division amoung relationships, communities, families and even in our relationship with ourself and the Lord. The battle to believe the truth, is not easy, because the enemy does not want believers to live in unity or our God given identities because he knows how powerful it is, being that is exactly how the kindgom of God grows and expands when we can finally see the simple gospel, which is the truth of how deeply and intimatly the father loves every single human so much so he came to earth so that we could have a relationship with him, which is exactly what we were intenionally deisnged to expierence intimatly on this earth. Unfortunetly the enemy has been reeking havoc on this idea since the beginning of time, and makes it especially challenging to live in connection with God in this current day and age with the amount of brokeness that surrounds our culture, and distractions that pull us away from abiding in our relationship with God.

The Lord has been taking me on a journey the past few years, growing and building my identity in him, how he sees me, what he says about me, and trying to live out of that constant connection with him. However, I can easily find myself getting caught up in the constant comparison cycle of seeing do I measure up with others or what the world deems as successful? Am I good enough to be accepted or loved by these people? Do I have what it takes to make it in the world? Will I become someone worth noticing or even being loved? All, valid questions, most of us probably are asking ourselves-and the truth is, yes, always, only in Jesus. People are so imperfect and fall so short, we best not put our hope in them, for we should give each other more grace for their shortcomings to us, since we know we also are imperfect and so capable of causing pain in our falleness and brokeness as well. If we spent more time with our maker, seeking the truth of what he says about us, we might find the opinions of others not to stick so much to us, for their power decreases when we find our truth lying in the power of Gods opinion over the world, since he created it, I believe his opinion is more important than the others that are just living in it with us, if im being honest.

For many years I have struggled with the lie that I am not enough. I never graduated college, I dont have a full time job, I constantly feel insecure about how I look, and If my body is the right size, if I am pretty enough or ate good/worked out enough on a daily basis. It is exhausting constanly measuring myself, working so hard to perfect myself, when God does not even actually care, he loves me no matter what, but I still do it. Why? It makes sense, we want to be accepted and loved by society so we have to fight and strive for it. This is the way of the world, but not of christ, there is no striving, just abiding in him.

I desire for my life to look perfect on the outside to others, that I am doing great and everything is wonderful and my life is one perfect little party filled with nothing but joy and hapiness all the time! Can anyone else relate?

We want to be confident in who we are, who God made us to be and what he is doing in our lives, this is a beautiful thing. However, if there is one thing I have learned over these past few years, is that anything we put our hope and confidence in apart from him, is ultimtely going to fail us. Our faith should be centered on following the life of Jesus, and seeking to reflect his love to other people through our actions. I will be the first to admit that I have failed at this miserably when I have taken my eyes off of him, and put them on the pleasures of the world, and things that gratify my flesh. My prayer in this next season, is that God would teach me how to build authentic community that is centered on seeking him with a pure and undivided heart. In this search, I believe we can find the spirit at work in our lives, regenerating us into looking more like christ through sanctifying us into his image, through love, acceptance and the simple gospel at work in our lives.

For years, I have struggled with my self image. I have struggled with an eating disorder for most of my life, whether through emotional eating and binging, or restricting the cycle has changed over the years, but the core struggle is the same. I know am not alone, so many women and men struggle to feel loved, or good enough. It is the brave ones who are willing to admit the truth, and in this we can find healing, and build authentic community when we are truly honest with ourselves and the Lord.

Our bodies, were made as physical and spiritual beings. Every little act we do, can be worship unto the Lord, if we are willing to live in light of our original deisgn being made in his image. How each person chooses to live that out, is up to them and the Lord.

Eating is spiritual. Whether we fast, we feast, or we intentionally diet or mindfully eat, it all reflects our beliefs. Eating certain foods, and not others reflects our beliefs. Eating in community reflects our beliefs. Moving our bodies in whatever ways we choose, reflects our beliefs whether we realize it or not. The way you do one thing, is the way you do everything, becuase as human beings, our being and our doing is connected to our belief system-it is how we function.

Starting this business has been a process of me discovering what I believe about food, our bodies and how we should steward them in relationship to ourselves, God and one another. I believe he designed our bodies to be able to eat and enjoy food. I believe Eating is a beautiful thing he made humans to do. I believe how we steward our bodies is important to God and he cares about our physical, mental, spiritual and emotional wellbeing. I believe we were designed to feast in community. I believe we were designed and should consider necessity of fasting for spiritual growth and discipline. I believe all people are allowed to have their own personal convictions to what they choose to partake and not partake in. I believe that no one should be judged by what they do or not do in regards to their bodies, but that it is between them and the Lord how they choose to live in thier bodies while here on earth. I believe every person no matter their size is worthy of love, and completeled and wholly accepted by the father.

In light of these beliefs, I wanted to share scripture that has inspired me in this last season.

Colossians 2:16

Romans 14:3

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

2 Corinthians 4:7

Philippians 1:21

Matthew 7:2

1 Corinthian 10:31-11:1

So the question is, how do we live for christ in community rooted in connection over comparison?

-We must seek the lord from a pure heart

-We must remember our origional design created in his image

-We must repent of the pride that has come from trying to cultivate our own image

-We must not judge one another based of their image, but treat them according to the truth of their original design as children of God, made in his image, beloved and accepted.

-We must not hold grudges against one another, but forgive and christ has forgiven us

-We must seek to please him in everything we do, and we must respect one another for how they choose to live, being an example to all in our speech, conduct and life.

-We must love our neighbors, pray for those who persecute us, and treat others the way we want to be treated.

-We must strive to have him as our aim to give glory in all things

-We must accept that we will fail, and fall short in all these things

-We must have grace for our brothers and sisters

-We must call each other higher, through speaking the truth in love

You are so loved. You are so welcome here. The father sees, and knows you intimitaly. I pray this encouraged and blessed you today. I hope you know you are not alone, we are all in this together <3 more to come but thats all for now folks :)

with love,

Kaylee Renae